Tuesday, August 6, 2013


I have always been drawn to trees. I love them in every season. Winter would not be the same without their nakedness. Spring has my favorite green - fresh leaf buds. Summer trees provide the best shade. Fall.....fall is my favorite.....the crunch of the leaves as you walk, the gradual changing of colors. I love art with trees. I love taking pictures of trees.

Right now, I feel like I have no roots. I guess you can say I feel torn between so many things. I feel like I don't have any time to really settle into things. I have this feeling that I need to make lots of decisions, big, important decisions. However, I am not sure of what the decisions are. Recently I have felt heavy. This heaviness that doesn't go away.
I have always tried to remain positive. If I have a bad day, I tell myself that I need to be optimistic and stop pitying myself. I have a hard time dealing with those deep down unpleasant feelings. Lately, these type of feelings are being uncovered and I can't seem to bury them.
People have asked me how I am doing. I always smile and say that I am good! Because that is what I usually am.
 I am having to learn that its ok not to be good. Its ok to have a bad month. Its ok to tell people that I am actually not ok.

This sounds rather silly that I have yet to learn this, doesn't it?
 Life still is full of good moments. Those seconds that make you laugh from deep down inside. Those moments of peace and comfort. Those simple times of feeling like you can get through anything. So while life is hard at the moment, it is also very sweet.

This picture was taken on Thanksgiving day 2011. Its not a picture that I normally would notice, but I just love this picture. It is in the middle of me trying to get a great jumping shot. That day was probably the most homesick I felt as a missionary. These are my favorite trees in Denver. Monaco parkway. The houses are just lovely. The trees look good every season. This day was also a day of many smiles and wonderful people. I received so much happiness from teaching someone to make mashed potatoes. I will always cherish those moments.

I am glad that hard times are times for learning, crying and good memories.