Blessings

I should be packing, but don't want to forget this moment. 

Ever since I put in my mission papers...It has been VERY hard. 

Not in ways I expected. I feel like I don't smile very much and that I generally feel like I don't make a contribution. I know why I am feeling this way - its just hard to over come these feelings. I have been feeling very empty - like the light went out. 

Thats not me. 

I feel like I always have a reason to smile, even when life is miserable. I feel like there is always sunshine...even when the dark clouds are there. (Sorry for the cliché word choice). 

So I have been actively trying to alleviate this business. 

Tonight I got a blessing and you know what I feel like I can do it a little longer :) AND that I can help others - which I feel like I haven't been able to do as much lately. 

I am so very grateful for the priesthood and for worthy willing priesthood holders. I hope to be better friends with these gentlemen. Thats really what they are. 

I also feel more certain about going - in the sense that it will actually happen. 

Now back to packing :)